Recently, I’ve been watching seasons one and two of The Greatest Show of Our Time— only to discover that I’m not new to this show, and that I’ve seen all of these episodes before, long ago in a time called 2008— and oh my stars, what a show it is.
I wanted to talk about how Serena is a huge harlot, just, the biggest jizzy skank I’ve ever seen; or how every time they want to signal that we’re back in Brooklyn, where the dirt-poor Humphreys live, in their Williamsburg loft, because poor people live in Williamsburg (wait NO THEY DO NOT.) they show a shot of the street I work on in DUMBO. Which is a different neighborhood. But instead, I’d like to focus (briefly, and yet with such love in my heart) on the one and only Chuckles Bass.
That’s right. When I started watching this show again, I found myself once more immersed in the singular most entertaining character (until he’s all I’m in love with Blair, wah wah) in the whole show. It only begins with his Easter themed outfits. Look at yourself Chuckles Bass, you’re a star. Googling “Chuck Bass” will show you an array of similar outfits: shimmery purple suits and ridiculously short shorts. And always wearing this exact expression. And his acrid tongue, his blatant nonchalance, his erectile dysfunction. If there was ever an issue I thought GG would leave untouched, it would be Bass the Younger’s inability to get it up, but alas I was proven wrong.
Ebony and I were watching GG and she kept rambling about how awesome Chuck Bass was and how she wants to bone his character (did I imagine that part of the convo?), and I brushed her off with my sarcasm and typical denial. But let’s just be honest: CHUCK BASS IS THE REASON GOSSIP GIRL LIVES ON. Well that and all of the sex and drugs, and it being so inordinately ridiculous. I mean that in the best way possible.
Also, I’d like to add that not only is Chuck Bass the greatest character of adolescent television, but the man behind the myth, Ed Westwick, is probably pretty awesome too. I’m not exactly going to do the research, but I know he’s British, I know he appreciated the Bass, and I know he made out with Drew Barrymore. Who was in E.T. as you may know. So really, research isn’t necessary. I think those facts can stand alone in proving his inordinate awesomeness.